I started fifth grade in a new school the summer after my parents divorced. I’ve never been great at making new friends, not even as a kid. So, it took a while for me to make a few friends. I spent most of my recesses and lunch hours sitting alone reading a book. It wasn’t really a bad thing. I wasn’t miserable. That’s how I preferred to spend time, escaping into stories, and still prefer to spend much of my time. But that meant that by the time my birthday came around in February, I still hadn’t made many friends.

My dad threw a birthday party for me, and following proper classroom etiquette, the entire class of 30 or so was invited.  Two people came.  Just two.  I remember having fun with those two, one of whom was and remained a good friend through high school. But I also remember that only two people came to my party. And that is the only birthday party of my childhood that I remember at all.

As soon as Eleanor started preschool the birthday party invitations started coming home with her.  We have missed only one, because we were out of town. I don’t particularly like going to them. I’m not crazy about having to go shopping to find a gift once a month. I’m not a big fan of making small talk with the other parents while the kids play. I’m not crazy about the Chuck E Cheese, Bounce Room, and Park locations. There really is a lot that I don’t like about kids’ parties.  BUT I’ve made a policy that Eleanor will go to every party that she is invited to until she is in high school.  Now that I’m a parent I’ve made the decision, that as much of a hassle as it might be, and as much as she may not want to go to a particular classmate’s party, I will not do to any child what those 28 plus sets of parents did to me. Made me feel like the least popular girl in the class. It may have been true, but I shouldn’t have been made to feel it.

What’s your birthday party policy? Do you go to all of them? Skip them all? Do you let your kid choose which one they want to go to?