Author Archives: Josh

Back to School Night

Posted by: Josh

Last week was Back-to-School Night at Eleanor’s preschool. You didn’t know preschools had them, but now you do.

Part of Eleanor’s program is that her teacher helps the kids to keep “journals” to track their progress. Basically, the teacher asks the kids to draw whatever they want, and then to describe their pictures. Here’s our favorite journal entry:

These are Eleanor’s snakes.

Aren’t they awesome? We were really impressed. They are very clearly snakes, you guys. So good!

Other projects include painting with pasta (still not entirely sure what that means, but it apparently it happens). Here Eleanor depicts the aftermath of the Mississippi overflowing:

Pasta painting explained (I still don’t get it, but it looks delicious).

And of course, a face gluing. I think this is supposed to be me, during my peacock phase a couple months ago.

So preschool gets a pass, as they convinced us that they aren’t torturing our daughter and that she is actually having a pretty entertaining and edu-ma-cational time. We already knew that of course, by the way that Eleanor frequently throws a fit and refuses to leave school at pick-up time. We really like Eleanor’s teachers, and the way they refer to the kids as “friends” (it took us a little while to figure out they were talking about one of the kids when they were telling us a story about the lunch one of their “friends” was eating the other day). And it was revealed that it was in fact her teachers that were slipping Eleanor gummies! Busted! They were pretty proud of Eleanor for covering for them though, and it seemed like a bonding moment for teacher and “friend.”

Walk Your Baby

Posted by: Josh

You don’t buy a puppy dog if you don’t have time to walk it, and the same goes for puppy people. That’s right. Don’t buy a baby if you don’t have time to walk it.

We pay some local people puppy sitters (i.e. preschool) to run our girl around during the week, but come week’s end, its all on us. And because Maggie is rarely sober enough to find the front door on the weekend (KIDDING! She gets it like 70% of the time), it generally falls on me to take Eleanor for some exercise.

While sometimes we hit the pool, the majority of our outdoors time happens at the park. She’s definitely an “active” girl, in the same way rabid squirrels are “active,” so as soon as I set her down she’s off! and I spend most of my time plodding along after her as she bolts across impossibly long grass fields or hovering underneath her with my arms outstretched to catch her as she scales play structures designed for kids twice her size. This can be sweaty, exhausting work, but usually Eleanor brings enough comedy to make it entertaining (i.e. slightly less agonizing).

Eleanor is an awfully friendly person. She says “Hi!” to literally everyone we walk past, which is hilarious, because a lot of grown people are freaked out by little kids accosting them. It’s the same reaction you would see if a smiley cat had shouted “Hello!”. Their heads snap up and their eyes get a little big, and they keep walking but start watching her as they move past, until their heads are almost turned around, and maybe then after they’ve walked about ten feet past us they’ll mumble a “Hello”. That, or they completely ignore her, which I can sympathize with because who is this tiny person yelling at me? but also makes me want to punch them in the back of their stupid heads because HEY! ADORABLE GIRL TALKING HERE! YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY, A-HOLE! And then sometimes I do it, and we have to run really fast, fast as a leopard, pump those little legs! So at the park, she runs up to all the other kids and gets right in their faces and gives them the smiling how-do-you-do, and sometimes the kids are as weirded out as the adults are and back away slowly or even turn and run crying, or, and this is the best, they are totally INTO IT and then they grab her hand and are BFFs for the next three minutes.

Eleanor has a serious baby fetish, so if there is a baby at the park, she will seek it out like some sort of baby dowsing rod. This always means that I have to talk to the parents, which is FUN, but almost worth it for the ridiculous grin on Eleanor’s face when she’s locked a baby in her sights and starts talking to it: “Hiii baby!” (baby stares dumbfounded at Eleanor). “He’s a baby” she’ll tell me. “He need his bottle. He need to take a nap. He’s tired.” The parents are of course always grateful for these astute observations.

So she runs and plays, scampers and capers, while I stand by and sweat and squint a lot. She loves it, and I love to see her love it, so in the end I don’t mind it that much. Plus, the more time at the park, the better the nap slash bedtime, so folks, it pays to walk your baby.











At the park this past weekend, where most of these shots were taken, Eleanor befriended this girl who was practicing her kung fu moves. Actually she looked like she was maybe doing some Power Ranger kinda stuff, since once upon a time I was a suburban child in karate and did not recognize her elaborate leaping fireballs. So of course Eleanor is intrigued by the intense maneuvers and the girl notices her, and asks her, “Do you want me to give you a lesson?” Eleanor nods yes. The girl then closes her eyes and starts breathing heavily through her nose (obviously about to bust some serious moves) and Eleanor runs down the hill. This happens twice more, and as Eleanor is running off again, the girl walks up to me and says, “Can I ask you a question?” I nod yes. “She doesn’t like to listen, does she?”

Summer at the Pool

Posted by: Josh

Well the fall is almost here, and you know what that means. Only two more months of going to the pool! Choke on that, East Coast! We’ve got a nice pool at our complex, and every weekend Eleanor very politely demands that we go there immediately following breakfast. Maggie has usually gone to exercise, so me and the girl suit up and roll to the pool. Since it’s only 10 a.m., and all of the lousy bums who live around us are sleeping one off or praying, we tend to get the pool all to ourselves. Well, there is this one guy named George who is usually drinking a beer in the spa, but he mostly keeps to himself.

Our outings primarily consist of me chasing Eleanor around the entire perimeter of the pool, and the spa, and the barbecue, and the soda machines (which she peers into and says “Baby Bear?” because for some reason the soda machines are caves in which Baby Bear probably lives), and the gazebo. Only lately has she shown much interest in actually getting INTO the water, and even that doesn’t last more than a few minutes. No, going to the pool is more about being seen, and the scene.

Since I’m training to eventually be Maggie’s second shooter (I just rounded the corner on sixth shooter and have move into fifth shooter status, woo!), here are some mediocre shots of us enjoying the summer. Actually it’s just Eleanor, since she has yet to show any interest in taking pictures of me. Also because nobody should be taking pictures of me without a shirt for the same reason you don’t take pictures of the sun. Nobody wins.

The Pool 1
The Pool 2
The Pool 3
The Pool 4
The Pool 5
The Pool 6
The Pool 7
The Pool 8
The Pool 9
The Pool 10
The Pool 11
The Pool 12
The Pool 13

Leaving the pool last weekend, Eleanor says, “I want some gummies.”
“Gummies? Where did you eat gummies?” I asked. I don’t think we’ve ever given her gummi bears.
“I eat them at school!”
“Really? Who gave you gummies at school?” I asked.
“Nobody. …Nevermind.”

Seriously. That’s what my two-and-a-half year old said. “Nobody. Nevermind.”

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