A few weeks ago I went to see a taping of the Dr. Phil show about “Working Mother’s Guilt” but it was really just another of those Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) vs. Working-Out-Of-The-Home-Moms (WOHMs) episodes. About three-quarters of the show was mostly a discussion with audience members about their experiences as a SAHM or a WOHM and why they thought that their decision to work out of the home or not was the right decision. It ended up focusing on one particular SAHM who had an extremely judgmental view of WOHMs. She said that she thinks you shouldn’t have kids if you don’t want to stay at home to take care of them. Her general belief seemed to be that it was a woman’s job to raise her children and isn’t something that should be outsourced to others and that women who work if they don’t absolutely have to are selfish.
After listening to an hour or so of this I decided to put Eleanor into daycare immediately!
It really was an interesting discussion although it is the same discussion I’ve heard a million times. And, by the way, the fathers are generally left out of this discussion, because I guess we assume that they will work, period, nothing left to discuss. Just because it has been that way traditionally, people forget that working is a choice for them as well. They are just as capable of staying at home to raise children as women are and yet women still take the responsibility and the guilt on themselves to make the decision about staying at home or working out of the home and don’t really consider that their husbands could and should be making the same decision.
I think that what it comes down to is that women judge each other too harshly. We each think that the decision that we have made for our families is the right decision and therefore the right one for every other woman and their family. I think that each mother (and father) has to make the decision about what is right for them and their family. If a mother (or father) feels that they need to work for their financial or emotional well-being then they should work. A child will not be worse off because they are in daycare as long as it is quality daycare. Women make themselves feel guilty for leaving their children, but forget that what children need most is for their mothers (and fathers) to be at their best when they are with them. If we feel that we can’t be at our best unless we are working out of the home then that is what we should do.
I also feel like being a SAHM is a job, like any other job. It is obviously different than any other job, and having done it for the last year or so I can say that it certainly is the most challenging job I have ever had and will ever have, but like any other job not everyone is capable of or well-suited to doing it. I know that not everyone is cut-out to be a lawyer and likewise not everyone is cut-out to be a SAHM. I’m not so sure I am. I love being at home with Eleanor (most of the time), and I know that if I made the decision to be at home full-time I could do it, but I don’t think that I would the best at it. Certainly not as good as Josh would be. I think I lack some of the patience and a lot of the energy that is necessary.
Anyway, I was at Dr. Phil to see Heather Armstrong of Dooce. She was a guest on the show, but I don’t think she got enough airtime. I thought they would have her onstage talking about her book and her experiences as a Work-At-Home-Mom (WAHM), instead she sat in the audience, they played a taped piece about her and then asked her to comment on the discussion a few times. It was a little disappointing. Although I did get to sit in the front row and was only three people away from her, so that was kinda cool.
So, now that I’m working again (I swear I will write a post about what I’m doing soon), although I am mostly working from home, I decided that we had to put Eleanor in daycare part-time for now and possibly full-time eventually so that I could actually get some work done. For now she’s going three half-days a week.
Here she is leaving the house on Tuesday for her very first day:
She wouldn’t hold still for a picture. She was so excited to go play with the kids.
She loves her classroom. There are so many fun new toys and people to play with.
Her favorite thing in the room has to be the water fountain that is just her height. She loves to play with the water and wash her hands in the sink.
I admit that I was a little anxious about putting her in daycare, but after completing her first week I have to say that daycare is the best thing ever! I get her up in the morning, get her dressed, brush her teeth, brush her hair, and out we go. I drop her off, they feed her breakfast, keep her busy all morning, tire her completely out and feed her lunch. Meanwhile I have four toddler-free hours to work after which I pick her up, take her home, put her down for her nap and then I have another two and a half hours to work. It is incredible! You WOHMs might not get what an amazing thing this is. I have been trying to work from home with Eleanor for the last month and it is basically impossible. So to have about six hours, three days a week to work or even to just be alone is incredible. I think that this is the first time since Eleanor was born 21 months ago that I have had more than an hour alone at home and I am loving it! I had forgotten how much I really enjoy my alone time.
The best part about it is that Eleanor loves it too. She already knows all the names of the other kids and her teacher. She is excited to go every morning and always wants to stay to nap with the other kids when I come to pick her up. She is such a social little girl that I think that she has been craving some regular interaction with other kids that she doesn’t get enough of when she is at home full-time with me. I am thrilled that it is working out and I hope that we both continue to enjoy it as much as we do now.
p.s. Don’t you just love our new fall header and colors?
