I lost 15 pounds…and all I got was this lousy self-image

Aug
24

Posted by: Maggie

So, if you’ll remember way back at the start of the year I had a resolution to lose 10 lbs. And then I lost almost all of it and decided to up the ante and lose another five pounds. Well I did it. I lost the whole 15 lbs. Cool right? Sure.

Before we talk about it, let’s do a little before and after shall we. Because that’s not at all embarrassing.

Before (Amy’s shots of me at Eleanor’s birthday in December):

After (headshots Amy took of me for my photo site a few weeks ago):

Pretty big difference, right? And I should be super happy and proud of myself for putting in the work it took to get here, and I mostly am, but I have to say I’m not really thrilled about how I look and it’s really annoying me lately.

People who know me, would say that I’m a pretty confident person. People who know me really well might even say that I might be a little too confident. I’m definitely not an insecure person.

As far as body image goes I’ve always been pretty happy with how I looked. Even at my heaviest, 60 lbs overweight, I still thought I looked good and didn’t really think too much about it. That was right before I got pregnant with Eleanor. Yup, before. At that time I wanted to lose weight because I was much heavier than all of my friends and even though I didn’t really think I looked bad, I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be at that weight.

After having Eleanor I started losing weight. I had only gained about 3 lbs during the pregnancy (lost 10 from morning sickness, only gained back 13). So when I got home from the hospital I weighed about 10 pounds less than when I got pregnant. And then breastfeeding burnt about a bajillion calories so I was losing weight pretty quickly. I started noticing a difference in how I looked and I liked it. I lost about 20 more pounds over the next year. Once I stopped nursing my weight pretty much stayed the same, I didn’t gain, I didn’t lose. And it was like that for almost a year, and then I decided that I wanted to lose a little more so at the start of the year I made this resolution. And for once I kept it.

I’ve now lost about 15 lbs, gained a lot of muscle, and dropped about two dress sizes. And I’m thrilled about the size I am, but not so much about how I look. I actually feel a little more embarrassed about wearing a bikini in public than I did last summer when I was 15 lbs heavier. Right now I weigh what I’ve found on numerous charts to be the ideal weight for my height, but I have to say I’m not feeling ideal.

I think I’m just stuck in this Catch 22 where when I pay attention to what I weigh, watch what I eat and work hard to lose weight and be healthier, I notice that my body isn’t quite where I’d like it to be. All of the work I put in hasn’t given me the results I want. And I find that incredibly depressing. But when I don’t pay attention to my weight or what I’m eating or how much I’m exercising, then I slowly start gaining weight, but I also don’t feel bad about my weight.

So what’s better thin, unsatisfied, yet healthy, or fat, happy, but unhealthy?

You tell me people, because I just can’t decide.

But what I have decided is that I’m going to try lose another 10 pounds by Thanksgiving. That’s 10 lbs in 12 weeks. Completely doable. Hell, maybe I’ll finally be satisfied when I get closer to my high school weight (I’m still 17 lbs away). Maybe…

Cloudy with a Chance of Crazy

Aug
23

Posted by: Josh

Cheap thrills last Saturday when we saw a movie in the park. The cost? Zipple. Unless you also bought a house while you were there, which is what they were selling, and which we did not (unless Maggie snuck off while I was chasing Eleanor around, but she looked pretty comfortable on the picnic blanket so I’m going to doubt that there are any mortgages I’m unaware of). The movie, which is one of Eleanor’s favorites (also mine!), was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. If you haven’t seen it, see it. If you have seen it, unsee it. Just kidding. That’s physically impossible, and also very not advisable, because this movie is hilarious, and has a LOT of sardine references.

Bonus: Valencia shelled out for free kettle corn AND drinks. Sugary drinks, not drinky drinks, but still pretty good. Thanks Awesometown! That was awfully awesome of you, he said with a straight face. We brought a picnic dinner and enjoyed the popcorn, and I took a lot of pictures with Maggie’s “old” camera. If you’re a regular reader, you can guess that I also spent a good amount of time chasing Eleanor around the park, at least until the movie started. Then, believe it or not, she sat down and watched about two-thirds of it before losing her mind and running around in the dark babbling hysterically (as she is wont to do). All in all, a lovely evening!

Here’s Eleanor, really considering a Lennar box. In the end, she decided on racing around the grass trailing a big bag of popcorn behind her instead.

As part of the good times, Awesometown handed out bubbles to all the kids! Naturally, Maggie snatched them all up and proceeded to blow 24 bottles of bubbles into the air.

Sometimes, just for kicks, Eleanor runs at top speed with her eyes closed. Not her problem, right?

The movie didn’t start until it got dark, so we were out past bedtime! Living it up in Awesometown!

Eleanor tried to fit two handfuls of popcorn into her mouth at the same time. Success!

Then Maggie ate her face. Success!

Since Maggie claims to have seen the movie like a bah-jillion times already, she brought her own entertainment. Yup, nothing like reading about post-apocalyptic death marches to brighten up the evening.