Dear family and adjacent people in my life who for whatever reason feel obligated to do me SOMETHING for my birthday, whether that obligation derive from a genuine liking-ness of me or a dull persistent nagging guilt stemming from an immediate blood relationship: these are your options.

1. iPod Touch (I’ll take the cheapest one (8GB) and I’ll LOVE it. But please do NOT buy me a nano or a shuffle or a classic. It’s Touch or no iPod.)
2. Books (i.e. gift cards to fine Booking establishments).
3. Dates. Mostly with my wife. You can facilitate this with the following goods & services: Movie gift certificates (Regal Cinema (Edwards) only please), Restaurant gift certificates (Maru or Sisley please, both within drunken stumbling distance of afore-mentioned movie house).
4. Cash money.

Note: your avid consumption of photographs of my baby does not in any way obligate you to celebrate my birth with gifts. Please continue your guilt-free enjoyment of my baby. Also, don’t tell Maggie I was here asking for iPods. Thanks love you bye!